Gracey's Space

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I don't know about all of you out there, but there are times when I just feel like I have no social skills at all. When I was a little girl, I would get reprimanded by my mother for not speaking or shaking hands or just doing the polite thing when I would meet someone new. I was shy and I still am shy. I think that is why I love this blog thing so much--it doesn't require me to speak face-to-face with anyone. I can be myself without having to actually talk.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I met someone new yesterday. As you know, we just moved to SC for a few months and then we will be moving again to another base. When you do this much moving, you become somewhat of an introvert, and since I already am one to an extent, it just puts me more into the shell. A few weeks back, I did the unbelievable....I went to the next apartment building and introduced myself to the wife of one of Jeremy's officer buddies. That was a huge step for me, but I was getting to be so lonely and socially inept that I knew I had to do something, so I took a baby step. I will call her Miss America or what she should be called is Mrs. America since she is married. She's beautiful and I then feel really inadequate, but thank God, she is very nice. So, we have hung out a few times and one of those times I called her to ask if she wanted to go to a movie with me. I swear I felt like I was asking her on a date or something. Anyway, to get back to the point, yesterday I called her up and asked if I could go over to borrow a movie since she has a great collection. She said to come right on over.

As I step into her apartment, I see another woman sitting on her couch. Oh God!!! I wasn't expecting someone new to talk to. She introduces us and I say hello, and then I say, "Haven't I seen you at the gym? You look familiar." Thank God I was right or I would have sounded like an idiot! Mrs. America asks me to stay awhile and have a cup of coffee with them. Of course, I don't drink coffee but I can't say that. So, I take the cup of coffee and force myself to drink. Yuck! I'm having a really hard time swallowing, but I try to hide that fact. Meanwhile, this new person doesn't really seem too interested with my being there, but I could have read her wrong. Maybe she is just like me--shy when she doesn't know someone. I try to make small talk with her, but I don't seem to be getting far. I'm horrible at small talk. I think by the time I left, she must have thought I was not very friendly or sociable.

Mrs. America, on the other hand, is easy to talk to and I don't have a problem with her. She is fun and has a good sense of humour. I click pretty well with her. The problem comes when I don't click with someone right off the bat; I then find it very stressful to come up with anything to say. Do you have these moments or am I alone on this? I feel alone on this.

I'm an officer's wife which means I'm expected to be very sociable. At this point right now, I haven't had the need to hobnob with people, but when we finally settle on a base for a few years, I will be required to go to social gatherings frequently. I am dreading it!!!! I just want to be normal!

posted by Gracey at Tuesday, December 12, 2006 -

12 Comments:

At 12/12/2006 7:03 AM, Jay said…

"I just want to be normal!"

As I've said many times, being normal is overrated.

I have very little social skills. I'm not good at meeting people and I usually say something stupid. And I'm not any good at small talk either.
At 12/12/2006 10:08 AM, Anonymous said…

Beta won't let me log in today. :(

As a little kid I was told I was TOO friendly. I was like one of those dogs that would follow anyone home.

I can't believe you drank coffee just because it was offered to you! *Shakes head* I'm sure Ms. America would have been horrified to know you went so completely out of your comfort zone. Next time speak up, ask for tea. You have to look out for YOU always. K?

Tinkertot
http://pickledbeef.blogspot.com
At 12/12/2006 10:38 AM, Anonymous said…

I keep noticing your name on other blogs lately so I thought I'd come over and introduce myself. I'm much better at doing that online than I am in real life...but then I'm a nerd's wife and we are expected to be a bit weird...it comes in handy!

Congrats on taking the first step towards new friends. :) And DO be sure to let Mrs. A know that you can't stand coffee or she'll keep giving it to you!
At 12/12/2006 1:18 PM, Gracey said…

Jay: I knew I liked you for some reason. :) Isn't it funny how blogging seems to help give you another personality? I would have sworn you were very sociable.

Tink: Okay, I'll tell her I don't care for coffee next time. I just didn't want her to have to make anything special for me, but ya, I definitely won't be drinking coffee again.

Susan: Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It's always great to "meet" new bloggers.
At 12/12/2006 3:05 PM, Jay said…

Small talk is overrated, and everyone has those moments so you can't stress too much about them. Plus, we just aren't destined to be friends with every single person we meet.

And in the future, say thanks, I'll just take a glass of water, instead. That way you don't put anyone out of the way, but you establish a no coffee thing - otherwise you'll find yourself being invited out to coffee all the time.
At 12/12/2006 3:07 PM, Jay said…

Sorry, that was me,

Jay
http://saintvodkaofthemartini.blogspot.com/

Beta is being very unfriendly today.
At 12/12/2006 4:07 PM, Anonymous said…

I am glad that I am not the only one having problems.

I am a shy person. Hahahaha! No, really I am. I am a very insecure person too, but I can hide that pretty well.

I once ate a Big Mac because the guy I liked bought it for me. I was going to throw it out when I got to my dorm, but he wanted to talk to me while I ate it. I was gagging inside the whole time. I hate onions, and it was covered with them, plus that icky special sauce! I thought I was going to die! The things we do for love! Haha!

I hate coffee too!

Chelle
At 12/12/2006 8:06 PM, Anonymous said…

I like coffee now, but I certainly didn't years ago. I was a military wife at one point in my life too, so I understand the moving and moving and moving!

I think that you either 'click' with someone right off or not at all. While I truly enjoy chatting in person (with the right people) it is so much easier sometimes to write.

BTW, you have a lovely and friendly writing style- very easy to read. I'm sure that shines through in person too. :-)
At 12/12/2006 8:49 PM, Anonymous said…

This is Kell--Blogger isn't cooperating today--Grrrrr.

I've been an officer's wife for 17 years, so I understand completely. I can assure you that it does get easier. And when you get to a more permanent base and squadron, it will be easier to meet other wives and make friends. However, don't ever feel like you have to change who you are to fit in with them. We all do that to an extent, but it's easy to get carried away with what you think an "officer's wife" should be.

If you ever want someone to talk to about it, just let me know. I don't have my email on my profile, but Jay does, and he can get hold of me.
At 12/13/2006 5:52 AM, Gracey said…

Jaimie: Nice to see you back! I know you were gone for awhile so I hope wherever you were, it was great fun!

Chelle: You and I are alike in many ways I think. I think that is why I think I clashed with you so much in junior high--we are both stubborn too! :)

Lisa: Thanks for the compliment on my writing style--that's my 2nd one today! :) I like writing more than talking as you can see. :)

Kell: Thanks for your encouraging words. You are one the "vets" for me than being a military wife for 17 years. It's hard, isn't it? Jeremy has been leaving the house at 6 a.m. and not getting home until almost 9 p.m. I can get very lonely very easily, but blogging really helps me with it.
At 12/13/2006 7:12 AM, MoJoKat said…

I can completely understand how you feel. I was a military wife for a short period, but I had the same Social-phobia going. I really never ended up making friends with other military wives, but I did make a couple good friends with a couple people who were in the same squadron as my ex.

Hang in there, and I am confident that you'll end up making some true friends. Once you get a more permanent location, that will help, too.

Oh, and on the coffee thing...ICK! I've done similar things and its not worth it! Just be yourself, it's a lot easier that way. I have learned that one the hard way!

Good luck, girlie! You can do it!
At 12/13/2006 10:18 AM, Anonymous said…

Gracey..you are so CUTE to take the coffee when you don't even like it. Mrs. America is going to get a kick out of that when you eventually tell her...

As you know, I move around ALOT too because of mine and dh's work (oil industry) and get to know new people. I have found the best way to talk with strangers is to ask them about themselves - "do you have children?", "did you vacation anywhere this year", "where else have you lived/where did you grow up?", etc... People LOVE to talk about themselves (they know all the answers to those questions) and it makes them feel like you are really interested in getting to know them. If they act otherwise, tell them it was nice meeting them and move on.

I also noticed it was MUCH easier to meet other women after I had children. Children bring adults together, and you can never run out of things to say when comparing stories of your kids antics or how *frustrated* your husband can make you...oops, maybe that is just me with MY husband :)

Your baby step was a BIG one. Don't give up.

Tracy (fishface)